I cried today. Really cried. Most people do not see the significance of just being able to cry. I do my best to keep my composure. I do my best to keep my feelings at bay. Why? you ask? Because underneath it all, I am what some might say an emotional rollercoaster. If I would let them, my feelings would rule every decision in my life. Although, that probably wouldn't be good for anyone.
Today started out like any other day. Get up, get ready, take the dogs out, make sure the kids are ready to get to school and head out to work. Work was unnecessarily repetitive, for which most days I am grateful. Knowing what to expect everyday has somehow become comforting. Like a warm blanket wrapped around you on a cold autumn night. You would think that this day, like any other, would be the same. Same start, middle and end; and yet, here I am.
Do you ever hear a song and it just pulls your mind in directions you'd never think it would go? Not just invoking one thought, one feeling, or one emotion, but everything and nothing all at once, Have you ever just had that moment when your driving and out of nowhere you are somewhere else. You are mechanically driving on autopilot, but your mind is elsewhere?
Here I am, driving home... Have I ever been a significant part of society? What have I contributed? What have others gained from my existence? I am insignificant.... I have a no career job. No assets to speak of. No savings. Have I ever inspired people? Have I ever made a difference in someone's life? My answer to these questions at that time is no. There are people on this planet that are so significant. They make changes, they inspire people, they move mountains. Have I moved mountains? No. You know what? That's okay. I'm insignificant.
I honestly look at what I've done in the last 38 years of my life. I have two kids. They are my world. To them, I am not insignificant. I am their mother. I am their inspiration. I am their voice when they cannot speak. I am the confidence behind their fear. I am the guide, the support, I am their example.
Each one is on their own path. A path that I cannot walk for them, but I can walk with them; and learn everyday something new. Learn to let go just a little everyday. Show these two human beings that I have created on how to be strong. Dream Big. Reach for those dreams, climb mountains and build new ones. They inspire people around them. They push their friends to do better by pushing themselves. They have already made a difference in so many peoples lives. They are on their way to do so much more than I could ever dream of.
So here I am, finally able to cry. To let it all out. To release all the fear, anxiety and frustration. Let it all out. Of those people that know me, know that I do not cry often. I do not let these emotions out enough. I hold them in. I hide them because I am afraid the answer to my significance will be meaningless. In spite of my fear, that song hits the right note, and all of a sudden I realize. I am significant. I am meant to be here. I am meant for greatness, for inspiration; and so I let those tears well out and fall down my face. I do not wipe them away. They are a reminder that I am human. That I am loved. That I matter.
For anyone who thinks they are insignificant, don't let the world fool you. We are all inspirational. We all make a difference in someone else's life. We might not even know it. We are all...significant.
